What's Up?

I know it has been about 3 weeks, since I have had an entry and I figured I better tell you what has been going on in the Sizemore household. Not much to report, just it seems like the same old stuff and I already know that I am a boring person, but I will let you know what is going on.

My husband Will is busy working and in his spare time he reads and goes running. He also is taking a programming class at SUU and that will end at the beginning of May. Ethan is loving the 6th grade and he reminded me today that there is 2 months left of school, when did that happen. I am not ready for that. He tried out for Little League Baseball for the very first time on Tuesday. I got a call that night and he didn't make the majors, I guess you need 1 year of baseball experience before you can get into the majors. So they asked him to try out for the Triple A, which is the one right before the majors and that way Ethan will have more fun with baseball. So he tried out for the Triple A yesterday and he did a lot better, but he is the oldest one who tried out for the Triple A. Most of the boys are ages 8-11, but he is okay with that, so I will be getting a call from his coach soon, cause he will be on a team no matter what. Games start April 25, so practices should start soon. Zach loves riding the bus and he loves the first grade. Since, he rides the speical needs bus to and from school, the bus stops right in front of the house and I really love that and so does Zach. He has 2 aides at school that help him and Zach also has a log book, that the aides write in everyday and its great to read what they put of how Zach does at school that day and to know what Zach is learning and what he eats for lunch everyday. He is not a big eater at all and he didn't even want breakfast this morning, so I hope he eats well for lunch today. Connor is loving preschool and he goes Mon-Thurs. and he also loves to ride the bus, but I have to drag him to get on the bus, cause he is watching 1 of his favorite shows when the bus comes, "Super Why". He also loves to watch "Curious George" and the show "The Science Kid", I think that is what the name is. He also is talking more and it is so great to hear him talk, especially in sentences. He also loves to mess up Ethan's room and we keep telling him to stop, but he keeps on doing it. This past Friday, I was out with Ethan to get him new shoes and to get a bunch of things from Walmart and then to get Pizza for Dinner. Came home, Ethan's room was so a mess, that I yelled and cried, I was so upset, but of course Ethan was more upset. Will and I helped Ethan clean up his room. Sometimes I don't know what to do with Connor. I love him, but man he drives me crazy sometimes. He also loves to watch "Pokemon", that is his movie right now that he watches over and over again.

As for me, I am doing alittle better, but not 100% yet. If you read my last post, you will understand. I am seeing a counselor about all of this and it is helping, I just wish that I was seeing him more often, then every 2 weeks, so my next time to see him is next week. It is nice to talk to someone, that could help me, but man I have so many feeling that I have bottled up inside of me, since I was a teenager and so this is going to take awhile, so most likely I will be seeing my counselor for several months, but who knows. I know it is not good to bottle up feelings, but for me it has always been hard to open up to people, cause I just didn't know who I could talk to about all of this and who would understand and not judge me. People have judged me my whole life and people still do it, probably without knowing they are doing it, but hey I am used to it. Other that all of this, I am hanging in there, trying to be a good wife and mom, but sometimes I wonder about all of that. That is all what has been going on right now, I know I have a boring life. I hope everyone is doing well. Have a Wonderful Day. :)

Struggles

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, but hey its not like many people read my blog anyway. I haven't been feeling very good about myself lately and so its been hard to live everyday sometimes, but I love my husband, kids, family and friends and so I live for them, cause I guess people do need me around, even though I don't thing I am that important. I have probably felt like this for years, because growing up I wore glasses from the ages of 4-16 and let me tell you people can be so mean sometimes and to this day it still hurts and it happened years ago. It is hard to talk about it sometimes and so most people don't know everything that I went through. I wish I stood up for myself, so maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way and that I would like myself more, which I don't right now. I just wish that I could let go of my past and forgive people who did make fun of me, but hey that would be a long list. Then if I could let go of all of this, then maybe I could move on with my life, which right now I just feel like I am a boring person and no one really wants to get to know me and be friends with me. I know I have friends, but sometimes I just struggle to make friends and to keep them. I guess I want everyone to like me and I know that won't always happen. I have had some people that I have known in my life, that didn't like me for no reason at all, well they would see my glasses and just run away.



I also have been feeling very overwhelmed lately about eveything going on in my life right now besides what I just wrote. I love my kids, I just wish that they didn't have to go through the things they have to go through now. Like Ethan and his diabetes, Zach with his Muscular Dystrophy and Mild Autism and then there is Connor, with his speech delay, but he is starting to talk more, which I am happy about. Then there is my husband, who I love with all my heart and I am grateful to have him in my life right now, cause with out him, who knows where I would be right now. I wish he had a job that he enjoyed more and well a job that he would get paid more too. But I am very grateful that he still has a job. I just feel bad that he is at this job still and well I kind of feel like its my fault, well I feel like most things going on in my life right now are my fault. I also tend to compare myself to others, which isn't really good to do at all and I have done that pretty much my whole life and I try not to do that, but people have done that to me, so I do it to myself.


I did go to my Stake Womens Conference on Saturday and that did uplift some and I am glad I went. I also went to a movie with one of my friends on Saturday night and that was a fun evening and I needed that. Then yesterday at church I was depressed and it was just hard being there, but I should be there for me. Sometimes I feel like no one wants me there and if I just left nobody would miss me and I did want to leave church early yesterday, but I stayed for all of the meetings. I have a hard time when babies are blessed and a baby girl was blessed yesterday and I usually leave the room when a baby girl is blessed, but Will said I should just stay and I did, but It was hard for me to do that, but I did it anyway. All wards are pretty much full of babies and I want a baby. My youngest is now 4, but with my back problems, and my kids health problems I shouldn't get pregnant again and I am very sad about that, cause I want a baby. So some of you know this, I have always wanted to adopt and I believe that is where I am suppose to get my daughter, but financially we probably will never be able to afford a baby, so who knows when or if we will ever be able to adopt a daughter. Then instead of having 5 people in the family, will be have 6 and that sounds like a good number.


If I might have offended anyone, I am sorry, I didn't mean to. These are just my struggles that I am dealing with and they might not be big to everyone, but they are big to me. I also want to thank the people that read and comment on my blog, I so appreciate it, it makes my day. :)