Thankful Thursday: My Job

Okay, I am very thankful to have a job and this year I am doing something different.  I am the Take Home Library person at Iron Springs Elementary (this is my 3rd year working  here and every year I have done something different) and so far I am enjoying my job.  I think the second day of work, the principal popped her head in to see how I was doing and I said good.  She said she knew how organized I was and thought this job was perfect for me, plus I needed mornings and so it all worked out. We are suppose to start it next week, so hopefully I can get everything done that needs to get done by then. I usually am all by myself in the room, but that is okay.  I also get to see the kids and the teachers more often too.  I also get to see the ladies that I worked with last year and I love that.  I also got to help a 3rd grade girl today because she got locked out of her classroom, so I knocked really loud and the teacher opened the door for her.  My supervisor told me that I can do anything I want with the room because I am the only one that does this and so I can't wait to organized it some.  It is going to be a great year, I can feel it.  I really love my job.

Thankful Thursday: To All The People That Love Me

Sorry that I haven't blogged for a few weeks, but I am back and now instead of Thankful Tuesday it is going to be Thankful Thursday.  I in no way want to offend anyone, so if I do I am really sorry.  Sometimes I feel like I put my foot in my mouth and I don't mean too.  That is why I don't say much to people because I am afraid I will say something that I will regret. So please bare with me as I write on. I want to thank everyone that loves me, even though it may be hard to do that sometimes.  See I have a hard time knowing who really loves me at times and lately I have been feeling really down, even though I may appear to look fine. Most of the time, I usually don't talk to my family and friends about what is really going on with me, I just say I am okay and I leave it at that. Sometimes I feel like I am not pretty enough or smart enough or even talented enough.  I have always compared myself to my family and my friends and even people that I don't even know.  I feel like everyone is judging me for some reason or another and I don't know why, but I have always felt this way, ever since I was a teenager.  My husband says he loves me no matter what, so why do I have a hard time knowing that he does sometimes.  My kids love me, well I think they do most of the time.  I have a few "good friends", but sometimes I feel like they don't care about me and I wish that I could stop feeling this way.  I do want to thank my friends that have taken the time to know me, that has really meant a lot to me and sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself anymore.  I don't even know what I am good at anymore or if I ever was good at anything.  I even feel like my family doesn't really care me and I really wish I could stop thinking this way.  They do tell me that they love me, so why do I have a hard time believing them. Sometimes I feel really dumb around my family because most of my siblings have a college degree and I don't and I don't think I ever want to go back to college because school got to be really hard for me and I do have a learning disability in case anyone didn't know and I know that hasn't stop some people.. I even feel dumb around my husband and 16 year old son.  I think the big thing with me is I haven't loved myself in so long, that maybe I don't know what love is anymore, when my family and friends show it to me. My husband really wishes that someday I can learn to love myself, but I am not there yet.  Maybe if I wasn't made fun of when I was younger, that who knows maybe I would love myself now.  That is why I want to thank my family and friends for loving me, but like I said sometimes it is hard for me to know if they really love and care about me.  I just wanted to write all this down because this is how I have been feeling lately.  So thanks again for all that read my blog and for taking the time to read this entry, this was hard to write.

I really need to remember this.