Soccer and Stuff

Wow, it's March already. Where has the time gone? Can't believe, I haven't written on my blog since Oct., well actually I can. I am on Facebook quite a lot these days and I am mostly playing a few games on there and seeing if I have any messages and what people are up too. I guess there is a lot I can write about, especially about my kids or what I have been up too. One thing I will say, my 15 year old son made the high school soccer team. Most everyone knows about that, especially if you are on Facebook because I told everyone on there. He will be on the JV team, since he is a freshmen and he is goalie. I think one of the harder positions on the soccer team. I also think he is really good. He started playing when he was 5 years old and he just loves playing soccer. His first game is on Tuesday. I am excited to see him play on the high school team this year and I hope to go to all of his home games. I might be able to go to some of his away games, but not that many at all. I guess we will see what happens, this is all new to me.

I am still struggling with somethings right now and most people have no idea because I don't talk about them much. I have written about some of them on here. My self esteem hasn't been good at all for a number of years and even at the age of 39, I still have issues with it. Maybe if I wasn't made fun growing up, that my self esteem would be really good and I would love myself, but I don't love myself at all. The thing that gets to me still, is no one said, "I'm Sorry." Even after all these years one of those would be great. I try so hard not to compare myself with other people, but I am so used to doing it that I don't know how to stop. I have so many talented people in my ward and in my family, I feel invisible. I feel like I can't compare to this, I feel like I am dying inside and that I don't know if anyone can help me. I am not a crafty person, I don't have a baby(most likely never will), I don't get that many phone calls, no one really asks me to help with things, I don't get invited to that many things, but I do try to have movie night at my house sometimes and sorry I can't invite every one. Plus, I have a 15 year old and most of my ward have young kids. I do love my ward I really do, but I feel misplaced some of the time because I feel like a minority. Like I said before, I don't talk about things going on in my life all that much, I guess I am afraid to open up to people because I think they will not want to be my friend anymore. I try not to offend anyone and if I did I am really sorry. Just had to get these things off of my chest, which have been waiting there for awhile and I do feel a little better. Thank-You to all who read my blog, which I know aren't that many at all.