Zach's Poem About Me

I hope all the mom's out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. My son's gave me some wonderful things. Ethan gave me some poems on mother's in a very nice binder that he made. Connor gave me a plant, that he did at school and Will gave me a dozen roses, that are beautiful by the way.(the flowers are some kind of orange) Then there is Zach's gift to me, that I wanted to share last, cause it is a poem about me and even though some of it is not true, it was that he wrote it about me. With him having Autism, he thinks of things a lot differently than kids his own age do and that is why it is so special to receive it from him.

Mom

By Zachary

Her hair is short and blond (short yes, blond no)

She loves to go to St. George (that is true)

She is going to get a cat. (that is not true, I would rather have a dog again)

Her kids are Zachary, Connor , and Ethan.

She loves cake. (it depends on the cake)

I wonder what she does after I go to bed. (I love it)

My mom is afraid of lizards. (Actually, I am afraid of bees, lizards aren't that bad)

I Love You.

I hope you enjoyed that, I sure did. He is the greatest, well all of my son's are.

Something Wonderful Happened 15 Years Ago Today

I was ENGAGED. It was a Sunday, Mother's Day May 8, 1994 and it was also my sister and her husband's 1 year anniversary, so Happy Anniversary Sandra & Victor. Anyway, I was going to school at SUU and I was living in Juniper Hall at the time. Will and I were going out for almost 8 months by then. He called me wanted me to come over to his apartment at 2 pm and I did. His apartment was across the street at that time. The next part for me to get it exactly right, I wanted to look in my Journal, so this part is what it says word for word .

Will-had something for me in his room and I'm like okay. There were two monkeys on his desk and I'm like "Oh how cute". Will wanted me to open the card and I did, the ring was right there and it didn't dawn on me. Then the card says "You Are Engaged" and I almost started to cry and boy was I shocked. I looked at him, said yes and gave a big kiss to him. Then we talked some and came over here. I called Sandra, but left a message. Then called Gayle and told her and she was happy for me. We talked some and called Sandra and told her and she was so happy. I asked both of them to be my bridesmaids and they said yes. Then went to Will's place, but saw Karl(my cousin) and told him and he was so happy for us. Went to his place to have food and it was getting ready and I called my parents. Amy answered, but didn't tell her, wanted mom on the phone, told her "Happy Mother's Day" and then said mom guess what, I'm engaged and she's oh how wonderful and Amy couldn't believe I didn't even tell her first. Asked her to be one of my bridemaids and she said yes. Then told my dad and that was the fun part and I guess he understood. It will be Dec. 17, 1994(SAT) well hopefully and this summer it's going to be funny-very busy.(I have no idea why I put funny)

Right now we have been married for 14 years 4 months and 21 days and it has been a wonderful marriage and during that time we have added 3 awesome boys, ages 12, 7 and 4 1/4. I hope you enjoyed the pictures at the beginning, I just put all of the engagment pictures that we had taken in Sept. 1994 on the computer this morning and so I hope you enjoyed them. I couldn't find the picture that we had in our announcement, I don't know where that negative went. I hope it is somewhere in the house.

My weekend

This past weekend was a pretty enjoyable one. This is what we did. On Friday, Zach was the only one who went to school, cause the rest of us took Ethan to Diabetes Camp at Zion Ponderosa Ranch. It was a very beautiful Drive and the traffic wasn't that bad, well we left a little after 9 am. We got there about 11:30 am and we checked him in and put his stuff in his cabin. Then all the campers went to go eat and Will, Connor and I also ate and it was a pretty good meal. I was surprised of what Connor ate, he ate all of a chicken sandwich and that is the first time he actually tried something new. Yeah for Connor. Then we left Ethan there and came back to Cedar City. Just in time to drop Will off at the 20 year anniversary of Metal Craft and Will has been there for almost 13 years. Then Connor and I went home to wait for Zach's bus to come drop him off. While we were waiting for him a few things happened. I wrote a post last year about how much I hate bees, well I killed one Friday and let me tell you I was terrify. I saw a wasp(why did it have to be one of those) and it was on the window in the garage and I got the spray and started spraying it and the whole time I was scared to death, but I am so glad that it is dead now. Then my older sister Sandra left me a message about doing another sister weekend and going to see "Wicked" in Denver, where my sister Amy lives and I started screaming and Connor was looking at me weird and crying. I called Sandra back and she gave me the details and we are seeing it in October and we will figure out travel plans later. So, I am going to see "Wicked" in October and I am so exciting. Zach then came home and we went to Will's work party to eat a few things and to pick me up. Later, that evening I went to see "Hannah Montana" with my good friend Christina and it was fun, even though this was the second time I have seen it, but I didn't care. Then went to her house and talked for quite awhile, we haven't talked like that in a very long time.

Saturday, we went to ST. George and it was nice down there. We first went to Costco and right when we got there, I saw my cousin Tricia with her 2 girls and I haven't seen her in about 10 months, so it was so nice to see her. We went to a few more places, we were trying to find Connor some shoes and he doesn't like change, so getting him new shoes falls under that category. We would put the new shoes on him and he would throw a very big fit and so we had to take the shoes off and try again. Finally, we found some shoes for him at Payless Shoes that he didn't throw a fit, when we tried them on him and so we had a Winner. Yeah. Came home and later that night Will and I went to dinner at IHOP. We left Zach and Connor at my friend Christina's house. She has 2 boys, ages are Myler is almost 3 and Mayson is almost 1. Dinner was really good and then looked at Deseret Book for a little while and then picked the boys up. Christina said that Connor and Myler were so cute together and became the best of friends and that Zach was a sweetheart. Everyone says that about Zach. Now, Connor has a new friend and Myler has about the same personality as Connor and that is scary, but kind of weird.

Sunday, I woke up at 6 am and got ready to pick Ethan up from Camp. My best friend Talisha came with me and it was so nice having someone ride in the car with me, it made the ride to the camp much more enjoyable. On the way there, we had to stop in the road, for 2 deer to walk across and we saw 2 more deer in the bushes and that was cool to see that many deer in 1 place. Then a bird hit the car and I looked in the mirror and it looked like it was dead. Then got to the Camp and Ethan said he had lots of fun. He even got a welt on his back from playing paintball. Then we left for Cedar City and it was a nice ride home. We dropped Talisha off and Ethan and came home. Will, Zach and Connor were still at Church and so I cleaned up some and I put Ethan's camp clothes in the wash.

That was my weekend and it was a productive weekend, which doesn't happen that much. On top of all this, I have a cold and this is like the third one that I have had this year and it is only May. Thank goodness that it is only a cold and not the flu.

Going to the Farm

All 5 of us. You can barely see Will.

Zach on the tractor

Connor on the tractor

John about ready to leave with Ethan and Connor

Will taking a turn on the 4 wheeler

John showing me how it works. I have only been on a ATV and that was when I was 14 years old.

John and Connor on the 4 wheeler

Ethan and Zach trying out the 4 wheeler and I love this picture of them

A bunch of sheep

Yesterday, our friends John and Sarah invited us to their farm. Well, actually it is John's dad's farm, but he has been helping out on the farm. We got to their house at 2:30 pm and we got rides with them. We saw lots of sheep and their babies, which was cool. Zach loved the sheep and lambs and well so did Ethan and Connor. Zach even got to pet one, but Connor didn't want too. Oh, well maybe someday he will want to pet one. We also saw a dog. But, what Ethan loved the most was the 4 wheeler he saw at the farm. Ethan asked John, if he could ride the 4 wheeler and John brought it out. Ethan went on it first with John sitting behind him and Ethan did very well driving it. He has been on one before and he has asked us many times that he wants one, but we have no place to put it and 4 wheelers cost to much for us to afford. Anyway, Ethan wasn't the only one who went on it. John took Zach on it and he loved it. I wasn't sure how Connor would do, so he went with John and Ethan. Connor didn't cry or try to get off of the 4 wheeler. Meaning, Connor loved it. Will went on it and then I even had a turn on it. Then Ethan had another turn before the 4 wheeler was put away. Sarah also took some pictures of the 5 of us and it was a fun day at the farm. We hope we can go again.

GUESS WHAT I DID THIS MORNING?

My Autograph

Phil Keoghan and me

Talking to Phil

Getting Phil's Autograph

Phil getting interviewed

I will never forget the moment that I had this morning and I am glad that I got to share it with my husband Will and he is very proud of me for doing it. Let me start from the beginning, I was reading, "Iron County Today" yesterday, which is Cedar City's Paper and I came across this article, "Ride Across America to stop in Cedar City." I was reading the article and this is what it some of it said. "Beginning Saturday, Phil Keoghan, host of CBS's The Amazing Race, embarked on a "race" of his own- he is cycling across America to raise awareness about the benefits of cycling for health, wellness and a greener America. The "Ride Across America Presented by GNC" will also raise awareness and funds for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society." This bike ride began in LA and the bike ride willl end in New York. I guess they are going to be"averaging 100 miles per day for a total of over 3,500 miles, spanning 40 days with stops in more than 30 different cities and towns." Cedar City is one of those stops and I did get excited that Phil Keoghan was going to be here and he is traveling with a camera crew, so the crew can document the entire ride. He is also asking people at every stop he goes to, to come out and join him for a few miles or more. Phil got in Cedar City last night and was leaving today at 9:30 am at the Vistor Center. The tourism bureau said in the article, "invites community members to come give Keoghan and his crew a warm Cedar City welcome and dramatic send off." Then the article said "From Main Street they will head east up Cedar mountain to Scenic Byway Highway 14 to Highway 89 to Kanab."

After the kids were gone, I told Will about this and that was close to 9 am and he said well why didn't you tell me and well for some reason I just forgot about it. Then we left for the Visitor Center and when we got there, the band from SUU was there playing and it was great. Then went inside and didn't see as many people as I thought would be there, so that was good. Then I saw him and I was getting really excited, cause well it is not everyday you get to meet someone like this. He was sitting on the couch being interviewed and so I was taking pictures of him and it was the greatest feeling in the world to be doing that. I guess the choir from one of the High Schools was also there and they were singing and it was great hearing them, cause they were really good. Then he went outside and talking to people and signing autographs and I was taking a few more pictures. Then I finally got up the courage to talk to him. I shook his hand and asked if I could get his autograph. While he was doing that, I was telling him how I loved the Amazing Race, I have seen the show from the beginning. Then Will took a picture of Phil and me and it turned out really good and well I was exciting. Will and I waited around, to see Phil off and a few other people were doing the same. One of the people that worked at the Visitor Center, ask a few of us to hold a banner that had National Multiple Sclerosis Society and Will and I were a few of those people holding the banner. So, we got to wait around and listen to the choir sing and boy they are good. The choir sang 2 songs to Phil and he really loved it and he said he almost cried through one of them. Phil said there they are blogging his journey and I am not sure what the name of the blog is, but I guess you can find it on the cbs.com website and click on the Amazing Race and who knows maybe you will see my husband or me on the blog. It was a great morning and like I said I will never forget the moment I had this morning.

What's Up?

I know it has been about 3 weeks, since I have had an entry and I figured I better tell you what has been going on in the Sizemore household. Not much to report, just it seems like the same old stuff and I already know that I am a boring person, but I will let you know what is going on.

My husband Will is busy working and in his spare time he reads and goes running. He also is taking a programming class at SUU and that will end at the beginning of May. Ethan is loving the 6th grade and he reminded me today that there is 2 months left of school, when did that happen. I am not ready for that. He tried out for Little League Baseball for the very first time on Tuesday. I got a call that night and he didn't make the majors, I guess you need 1 year of baseball experience before you can get into the majors. So they asked him to try out for the Triple A, which is the one right before the majors and that way Ethan will have more fun with baseball. So he tried out for the Triple A yesterday and he did a lot better, but he is the oldest one who tried out for the Triple A. Most of the boys are ages 8-11, but he is okay with that, so I will be getting a call from his coach soon, cause he will be on a team no matter what. Games start April 25, so practices should start soon. Zach loves riding the bus and he loves the first grade. Since, he rides the speical needs bus to and from school, the bus stops right in front of the house and I really love that and so does Zach. He has 2 aides at school that help him and Zach also has a log book, that the aides write in everyday and its great to read what they put of how Zach does at school that day and to know what Zach is learning and what he eats for lunch everyday. He is not a big eater at all and he didn't even want breakfast this morning, so I hope he eats well for lunch today. Connor is loving preschool and he goes Mon-Thurs. and he also loves to ride the bus, but I have to drag him to get on the bus, cause he is watching 1 of his favorite shows when the bus comes, "Super Why". He also loves to watch "Curious George" and the show "The Science Kid", I think that is what the name is. He also is talking more and it is so great to hear him talk, especially in sentences. He also loves to mess up Ethan's room and we keep telling him to stop, but he keeps on doing it. This past Friday, I was out with Ethan to get him new shoes and to get a bunch of things from Walmart and then to get Pizza for Dinner. Came home, Ethan's room was so a mess, that I yelled and cried, I was so upset, but of course Ethan was more upset. Will and I helped Ethan clean up his room. Sometimes I don't know what to do with Connor. I love him, but man he drives me crazy sometimes. He also loves to watch "Pokemon", that is his movie right now that he watches over and over again.

As for me, I am doing alittle better, but not 100% yet. If you read my last post, you will understand. I am seeing a counselor about all of this and it is helping, I just wish that I was seeing him more often, then every 2 weeks, so my next time to see him is next week. It is nice to talk to someone, that could help me, but man I have so many feeling that I have bottled up inside of me, since I was a teenager and so this is going to take awhile, so most likely I will be seeing my counselor for several months, but who knows. I know it is not good to bottle up feelings, but for me it has always been hard to open up to people, cause I just didn't know who I could talk to about all of this and who would understand and not judge me. People have judged me my whole life and people still do it, probably without knowing they are doing it, but hey I am used to it. Other that all of this, I am hanging in there, trying to be a good wife and mom, but sometimes I wonder about all of that. That is all what has been going on right now, I know I have a boring life. I hope everyone is doing well. Have a Wonderful Day. :)

Struggles

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, but hey its not like many people read my blog anyway. I haven't been feeling very good about myself lately and so its been hard to live everyday sometimes, but I love my husband, kids, family and friends and so I live for them, cause I guess people do need me around, even though I don't thing I am that important. I have probably felt like this for years, because growing up I wore glasses from the ages of 4-16 and let me tell you people can be so mean sometimes and to this day it still hurts and it happened years ago. It is hard to talk about it sometimes and so most people don't know everything that I went through. I wish I stood up for myself, so maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way and that I would like myself more, which I don't right now. I just wish that I could let go of my past and forgive people who did make fun of me, but hey that would be a long list. Then if I could let go of all of this, then maybe I could move on with my life, which right now I just feel like I am a boring person and no one really wants to get to know me and be friends with me. I know I have friends, but sometimes I just struggle to make friends and to keep them. I guess I want everyone to like me and I know that won't always happen. I have had some people that I have known in my life, that didn't like me for no reason at all, well they would see my glasses and just run away.



I also have been feeling very overwhelmed lately about eveything going on in my life right now besides what I just wrote. I love my kids, I just wish that they didn't have to go through the things they have to go through now. Like Ethan and his diabetes, Zach with his Muscular Dystrophy and Mild Autism and then there is Connor, with his speech delay, but he is starting to talk more, which I am happy about. Then there is my husband, who I love with all my heart and I am grateful to have him in my life right now, cause with out him, who knows where I would be right now. I wish he had a job that he enjoyed more and well a job that he would get paid more too. But I am very grateful that he still has a job. I just feel bad that he is at this job still and well I kind of feel like its my fault, well I feel like most things going on in my life right now are my fault. I also tend to compare myself to others, which isn't really good to do at all and I have done that pretty much my whole life and I try not to do that, but people have done that to me, so I do it to myself.


I did go to my Stake Womens Conference on Saturday and that did uplift some and I am glad I went. I also went to a movie with one of my friends on Saturday night and that was a fun evening and I needed that. Then yesterday at church I was depressed and it was just hard being there, but I should be there for me. Sometimes I feel like no one wants me there and if I just left nobody would miss me and I did want to leave church early yesterday, but I stayed for all of the meetings. I have a hard time when babies are blessed and a baby girl was blessed yesterday and I usually leave the room when a baby girl is blessed, but Will said I should just stay and I did, but It was hard for me to do that, but I did it anyway. All wards are pretty much full of babies and I want a baby. My youngest is now 4, but with my back problems, and my kids health problems I shouldn't get pregnant again and I am very sad about that, cause I want a baby. So some of you know this, I have always wanted to adopt and I believe that is where I am suppose to get my daughter, but financially we probably will never be able to afford a baby, so who knows when or if we will ever be able to adopt a daughter. Then instead of having 5 people in the family, will be have 6 and that sounds like a good number.


If I might have offended anyone, I am sorry, I didn't mean to. These are just my struggles that I am dealing with and they might not be big to everyone, but they are big to me. I also want to thank the people that read and comment on my blog, I so appreciate it, it makes my day. :)